Old age, deep thoughts
This time next year I'll be 40.
In two years time I'll be 41 and (most likely) married.
...I am having occasional flashes of panic, yes. But only occasional ones, and generally speaking I am happy and excited and not feeling all that old and it's all good, it's all good.
It must be said, though, that the sudden looming of milestones on the horizon is giving me a general feeling that I need to get organized, because I have a whole new and very major chunk of life coming up and it would be good to actually have some direction and plans and any kind of idea whatsoever about what to do with it. Because I probably can't coast on a mid-level editing job, a handful of short stories and a learner's permit forever.
The one-two combo of birthday and engagement is motivating me rather more than I had expected. Stuff Must Be Done (And Finished). Futures Must Be Forged. Teeth Must Be Regularly Cleaned. And so forth.
There's a certain stress in that, because laziness and underachievement is always a comforting fallback position, but stress is good for me. My blood pressure is very low, after all, and maybe could use a bit of uptick - writing, striving, double cheeseburgers and so forth.
In closing, I love my girl, I love my friends, and I feel a bit fired up with the desire to meet their expectations. Even if I am having a touch of mid-life crisis, it's all good. All good. Doubleplusgood.