?

Log in

Set the controls for the heart of the cheeseball - Braille Radio

> Recent Entries
> Archive
> Friends
> Profile
> patrickoduffy.com

May 19th, 2008


Previous Entry Share Next Entry
01:15 pm - Set the controls for the heart of the cheeseball

Nations crumble, empires burn, the Euro kicks the crap out of the American dollar and no-one can wrench Silvio Burlusconi's nose out of the toilet, but nonetheless Europe endures - and brings us new heights of fabulous camp in this, the first Eurovision Song Contest to be hosted by Serbia. And oh, what a treasure trove of musical talent and jawdropping gormlessness Belgrade has for us this coming weekend.




Elnur and Samir from Azerbaijan, whose song 'Day After Day' presumably explains why two Torana-banging high-school dropouts from the western suburbs are suddenly pretending to be Eurasian popstars. Seriously, these two look like the fish Big Brother rejected, dedicated Corey Worthington clones down to the sunglasses and hairdos. I'm pretty sure one of them works at my local McDonalds.




You know what Eurovision's being crying out for? Septuagenarian accordion players in white suits and straw boaters. I sense a movement. Oh, and this is Kraljevi Ulice from Croatia. So expect gunfire when they play to a Serbian crowd.


Two years ago Finland won a special place in the world's heart when monster-rock act Lordi won Eurovision. This year their entry is Terasbetoni, who appear to be a Whitesnake tribute band. Or possibly a group of young WWE hopefuls. I must admit that when I think bare chests, leather pants and body oil, my imagination goes more to Mardi Gras than Eurovision. Although maybe they're the same thing.



This is Germany's entry, No Angels.

...no bras, either.



For God's sake, Ireland, you're not even trying to look like you want to win any more. Last year's alcoholic folk band was bad enough, but a glove puppet? Why not just send a giant animated bum to moon the audience? "And now, here's Blarney O'Browneye with Ireland's entry 'Stick a Tater Up Me and Send Me Home.'" Hmm? Sound good? Call me and we'll work something out, Ireland; my consultancy rates are high, but it's still cheaper than having to host Eurovision.




Jeronimas Milius of Lithuania.

Don't cross him. He's the Toreador Prince of Dandenong, you know.



The most awesome thing about Spain's Rodolfo Chikilicuatre is not his novelty glasses, nor the fact that he looks like Rolf Harris in an Elvis pompadour wig. It's that he plays reggae. Yes, Spain is pinning its hopes on a garden gnome doing a dance-hall bo selecta version of the Chicken Dance with a drum machine backing him. I would like to officially declare that SPAIN IS AWESOME. See, Ireland, this is how you shoot yourself in the foot with style.




Latvia's entry, the Pirates of the Sea.

Nothing I write could make this seem any more ludicrous than it already is.

Roll on Sunday night, that's what I say.

(12 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments:


[User Picture]
From:drjon
Date:May 19th, 2008 04:22 am (UTC)
(Link)
Pirates FTW!
[User Picture]
From:thorfinn
Date:May 19th, 2008 04:27 am (UTC)
(Link)
"Toreador Prince of Dandenong"...

/lol_dead
/self_rez
/repeat

[User Picture]
From:bunnitos
Date:May 19th, 2008 04:29 am (UTC)
(Link)
All the awesome.
[User Picture]
From:hot_pants
Date:May 19th, 2008 06:12 am (UTC)

correction

(Link)
"The most awesome thing about Spain's Rodolfo Chikilicuatre is not his novelty glasses, nor the fact that he looks like Rolf Harris in an Elvis pompadour wig. It's that he plays reggae. Yes, Spain is pinning its hopes on a garden gnome doing a dance-hall bo selecta version of the Chicken Dance with a drum machine backing him. I would like to officially declare that SPAIN IS AWESOME. See, Ireland, this is how you shoot yourself in the foot with style."

Correction, Reggaeton, not Reggae. Its obscene how popular el chikichiki is in Spain these days. But, I think its brilliant to enter him in Eurovision.
[User Picture]
From:viscera
Date:May 19th, 2008 08:01 am (UTC)
(Link)
The best thing about the turkey is that he's been releasing albums for two decades... including one called Bling When You're Mingin'.

His Eurovision song title translates to 'Ireland, 12 Points'. I'm actually backing the turkey so far just on that.

Also: He's the Toreador Prince of Dandenong, you know. - You win everything.
[User Picture]
From:vestalvagrant
Date:May 19th, 2008 08:40 am (UTC)
(Link)
T is offended by your description of Terasbetoni as 'a White Snake tribute band'. He says they are clearly inspired by Manowar, "purveyors of true metal".

Good for him.
[User Picture]
From:damien_wise
Date:May 19th, 2008 02:32 pm (UTC)
(Link)
While I'm often partial for a bit of piratical singing (Latvia), I find Lithuania's prospects strangely compelling.
Don't cross him. He's the Toreador Prince of Dandenong, you know.
*snerk* You don't want to dice with him...
[User Picture]
From:jody_macgregor
Date:May 19th, 2008 11:01 pm (UTC)
(Link)
If I was fronting a shirtless metal band, I'd make sure not to have such an egregious muffintop sticking out over my leathers.

I suspect the first two guys of having their own show on JJJ and doing the whole thing on a dare.
[User Picture]
From:artbroken
Date:May 20th, 2008 12:01 am (UTC)
(Link)
No, apparently they're real Azerbijani pop stars - and their video on YouTube is the best-produced World of Darkness LARP ever:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=suKgzGC40g8
[User Picture]
From:seedy_girl
Date:May 20th, 2008 01:09 pm (UTC)
(Link)
No, worse still, it's an In Nomine LARP!
[User Picture]
From:jody_macgregor
Date:May 22nd, 2008 01:50 am (UTC)
(Link)
Holy shit. It's like Andrew Lloyd Webber's Paradise Lost.

Awesome.
[User Picture]
From:daern
Date:May 21st, 2008 10:30 am (UTC)
(Link)
Riotous. and ... Go Germany.

> Go to Top
LiveJournal.com